i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
