i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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