my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
