Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
