ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Randomize
