just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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