so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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