Already got asked if we're dating
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
