Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
