Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am one with the molecules
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
