She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize