I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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