R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
