Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
