I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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