well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
