thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
