she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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