I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
