I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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