I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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