Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
