You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
