My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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