The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
