don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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