we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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