people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
