I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
