yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
