girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
