i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
