I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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