I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
