girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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