in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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