i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
