Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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