Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
