Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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