I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize