you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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