4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
