Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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