my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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