Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
