yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We don't watch enough power rangers
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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