After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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