Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm like, not good at living.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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