K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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