i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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