Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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