trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
