sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
