Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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