you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
