i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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