I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
