Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
