I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
