god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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